We all know that grandparents love for their grandchildren is so great, with Chinese grandparents it is beyond great! They are there for their grandchildren way before the later is born.
A few days before our wedding, we found out we were pregnant but it sadly ended in a miscarriage. We basically went from happiness to more happiness to sadness. Two years went by and, we were blessed with another pregnancy. As soon as my doctor confirmed the pregnancy, my mother in law started coming to our home every day to help out and make sure I don't tire myself. She did this throughout the whole pregnancy. It is very common here to the point that wherever you see a pregnant woman, there is always a mother in law or her own mother walking right beside her. I always found this so strange. I am the kind of person who loves doing things alone, like going for a walk; buying groceries, etc. I didn’t like the idea of having someone following me around so, I avoided it as much as I could, by scheduling my walk after dinner for when my mother in law had left the premises.
I tried many times to tell her that I could manage, that being pregnant isn’t being ill, that I was strong enough to look after myself, I would even have my husband tell her, then she would take few days off and start coming back again. Some in-laws would go as far as to a move in with you, so we had so many people asking us why we were not living together. She never missed a single pregnancy check, she basically accompanied me more than my husband did.
As I mentioned in my last blog, my mother came over when my daughter, Mia was born, and stayed for 3 months, but even then my mother in law would still come to help look after her, despite my mother being there which she found a bit odd, but I guess it is the norm here.
Since my daughter was born till now, her grandparents mostly the grandmother still come to our place everyday to help out, unless i ask them not to. I constantly tell Mia's grandmother to take a day or 2 off, that I can manage, but she just insists. If she is not free, she sends the granddad or sometimes even their daughter. They show so much care which i find a bit too much sometimes.
There are times I get so annoyed about them always being around, I feel a lack of privacy, and talking about privacy there is no such thing as privacy here. For example if you have visitors at your place, instead of sitting in the living room, they would be walking around the house, from one room to another and this just gives me chills.
In my home country, when you pay a visit to someone, you can’t go walking around their home, entering each room…, people would think you are odd, strange, weird…no one does that.
So, yeah having my in laws constantly around annoys me sometimes but when I see the happiness on their faces when they are with Mia, I understand their need and want of always being around her. If they go a few days without seeing her, they miss her so much. They are both retired, have no other occupation so they have become like Mia’s nannies. They come in the morning or afternoon, play with her while I get busy with my things or they take her for a walk, which they love doing, and Chinese grandparents love..love.. doing this, because whenever you go outside, at a playground, you see grandparents pushing strollers or playing with their grandkids. If i am busy, have errands to run; I drop Mia at their home, which is 10-15 min from ours and i leave her with a peace of mind, knowing that she will be in great company.
My parent's in-law are so selfless, they would worry that i am not having time to eat, or that i am not having enough sleep and they would just take Mia to play so that i can take a nap. whenever my mother in law goes to the morning market she always calls and asks if i need anything, if i didn't answer the phone she would still bring me some vegetables anyways. Honestly, I feel like Chinese parents in-laws are there to make your life easy.
Chinese grandparents involvement in their grandchildren's life starts right when the daughter or daughter in law gets pregnant, some will move in and stay until the child starts kindergarten, then they will go back to their home.
To sum up, i would say that Chinese grandparents play a significant role in the upbringing of their grandchildren, which is totally different from my country, Rwanda.
While I can possibly count how many times I have seen my grandmother, being the only grandparent I have alive, my daughter’s grandparents can’t go 2 days without seeing her.
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