I am an African woman who met her charming Chinese prince, moved to China for love and two years later, we were blessed with a baby girl.
Living in China for almost 5 years, I have come to realise that their ways of doing things are totally different from my country even from the rest of the world. For instance, how Chinese look after a baby is the complete opposite of my country's way. Though this is a topic for another day, today i will be talking about something as simple as ways of carrying a baby.
I was born and raised in Rwanda(East Africa), and as far as i can remember, mothers always carried their babies on their back, mostly to put them to sleep, when going somewhere on foot or doing some work as this way you have both your hands free. As soon as the baby loses the umbilical cord, you have a go ahead to start carrying her/him on your back, if your body has not yet recovered there is always a family member or a housemaid to help you with that.
It is common in China that when you give birth, your mother in law comes and stays with you helping with the baby, and in the long run, she will be the one who raises the child when you go back to work. I often get asked: ''is it you who takes care of the baby or her grandma'' ?And when answer it is me, they would say: '' wow, you are so strong''. I find these questions surprising because where i come from, you will never get asked such question because you look after your baby yourself or employ a nanny if you are busy. But never expect your mother in law to do the work for you.
In Rwanda, when you give birth it is your mother who comes and look after you.
When i gave birth, my mother came over and stayed 3 months with us, teaching me all i needed to know about taking care of a baby but my mother in law was also always around, she literally came to our home everyday. Meanwhile, my daughter's umbilical cord took forever to come off, and deep inside i dreaded the day it would. Because I knew that my mother will insist that i carry my daughter on my back and that my in laws will be against it. 20 days after my daughter was born, the umbilical cord finally came off and my mother was like "it is time''
Every time I would carry my daughter on my back, my in-laws would be like'' the baby is uncomfortable, don't do that...and my mother will be like it is the best way to help a baby sleep. I was literarily caught between my mom and mother in law. Who should i listen, I wondered. I was so angry that they were both there telling me what's best for my baby, and thinking no one cared about what i think is best for her. It is crazy how something that is a norm in a one place can be seen as a terrible thing in another place.
So my mother would put Mia to sleep the African way, and my mother in law would do it the Chinese way, what they call "yaoyao'', which is basically carrying a baby in your arms and walking around until she falls asleep.
When Mia was 3 months, my mother went back home and it was just me and my mother in law. while my mother was around, she did the back carrying because my back was still hurting from the birth. After she had left, Mia would cry so much, I would try everything to put her to sleep and nothing seemed to work, not the yaoya from Chinese grandma, not breastfeeding, nothing..
Then one day, i was home alone with my daughter, she was very sleepy, and crying so much then i put her on my back and she immediately fell asleep. From that day until now, she always sleeps so good on my back, especially when we are outside shopping or whenever we are spending a day out. It is also very calming for her , especially when she is crying a lot or after a vaccine. My in laws finally got used to the way i carry my daughter, we still clash on many other things but this one is out of the way.
I also carry her this way, as shown on the picture below and my in-laws find it strange, i tell them the whole world does it this way, apart from China , i think.
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