I am an African mom of two, I have been living in China for 6 years.
I created this blog and my Instagram page @zitawang15 to share my life experiences in China. Everything I write or talk about here and on my Instagram page does not necessarily apply to all Chinese people, because China is a big country where people in the north have different customs than people in the south. I live in northeast China, and my views are based on my Chinese family and Chinese friends around me.
Read on and leave a comment, let me know what you think.
PREGNANCY
When I found out that I was pregnant with my 2nd baby, I went for my first check-up, and as my file showed that I had had a baby a year and 2 months ago, the first thing they asked was 'do you want to keep it?'', I couldn't understand, I had to make them repeat for 3-4 times, I was looking at my mother in law, hoping that she could rephrase it with easier words, and finally I understood. It heats me, it wasn't my poor Chinese listening, I just wasn't expecting that question.
In my opinion, if I didn't want the baby, I would have mentioned it myself. Don't get me wrong, growing up in a country (Rwanda) where abortion is illegal, "Do you want to keep the baby?" is a question you will never get asked, at least no one would ask that out loud.
Like many other countries, China has quite a big number of old wives tales about pregnancy and so many do's and don'ts, here are a few of them:
-Eating oranges will make the baby dark
-Eating grapes will give the baby big eyes
-Eating nuts will make the baby intelligent
-Cold drinks, water, or eating anything cold is a big no-no...
-No spicy food
-Some pregnant women will stop driving throughout the pregnancy. I remember when my sister-in-law was pregnant, whenever she drove with her mother in the car, the latter would hold the seat belt so it wouldn’t touch the bump 🤔. I was always questioned for driving when pregnant.
-You can't carry your toddler if you happen to have one, and I always carried my daughter which drove my inlaws insane.
-Some people believe you can't swim when pregnant, which I found absurd because I've always read that swimming is the best exercise to practice while pregnant.
BIRTH
Where I come from, having a natural birth is the norm, unless there is a complication then, you get a C-section. There is no way you can ever get asked "how are you planning to give birth?''
Here in China, where the majority of women have birth by C-section, "how are you planning to give birth?" is a question you get asked often. It is so normal to just ask your doctor to give you a C-section.
When we were finalizing the payment for the birth (which was done a month before my due date), they asked me if I wanted to choose the date of the delivery and I thought I heard wrong because of my poor Chinese, so I turned to my husband and he said: You heard right, if you decide to have a C-section, you can also choose the date if you wish so.
It happens that some families due to their beliefs can decide to have the baby born on a certain date or a certain hour, just because that number is a lucky number. And this will even cost more money. You'd have to add almost USD 800 for that service.
If you have a natural birth like I did, even though I used epidural, people say that I am very strong😆. I am like, hello...I had an epidural, it wasn't that painful.
CONFINEMENT AFTER CHILDBIRTH
In my home country, After childbirth confinement lasts 8 days, here in China it lasts 1 month, and during that month, you can’t go outside, the wind must not touch you.
-You are not allowed to bathe or wash your hair for the whole month.
-You must wear long sleeve tops, trousers, and socks..., some women go as far as wearing a winter hat, even in summer. It is said that the wind should not touch you or else your bones will have problems when you are older.
-Again, cold food, cold drinks, are a big no-no.
-They also believe drinking pig feet soup increases milk production.
Although no doctor suggests any of these, at least my doctor didn't, people believe in them, especially older generations. I remember so well, after both my delivery, my doctor told me to avoid bathtubs and pools, but said that I could shower.
I obviously, as a foreigner I never followed any of these custom practices. With my first pregnancy, my in-laws would insist that I wear more clothes, that I don't shower, that I drink hot water and stay in the house, but I never did. I always said that unless the doctor said so, otherwise no way. With my second pregnancy, they have come to accept the fact that there are things that I will always do my way, that I can't follow their custom 100%, and they actually joke about it. They have concluded that black people are very strong because they have a natural birth and don't need a long after childbirth confinement period. 🤣
I am fortunate enough to have a husband who understands where I come from, living in Rwanda (my home country) for 7 years, and traveling to different countries made him quite open minded. He never insists on me following any custom practice that I am not comfortable with.
I find it very strange! I think that doing all this useless cesarean is an easy way to perform a sterilization (once upon a time it was forbidden to have 2 or 3 kids in China). I am an ob-gyn and live in Italy and in my hospital only half patients are actually italian and the others come from all around the world including Chin (and Africa). And most chinese mothers have easy and fast delieveries (usually without epidural) and don't complain during the birth of the baby. I think CHINESE women are very strong! I always joke with them and tell it's not strange that chinese people are 1,5 billion since they have soooo easy births!